Days you wonder why???

There are days that you wonder why am I here? What am I contributing and who would care if I wasn't here. I have been wondering that quite a bit recently....and I absolutely don't have the answer to any of these questions. The only thing that makes anything worth it is Joce....and I do wonder if that is enough sometimes.

Life Changes

So it has been awhile since I posted here...a major change has happened. On Jan 17th, I (and my family) lost my beloved mother. I had had a feeling that she wasn't doing well when I came home in August, but I believe that I was denying that anything would happen to her. She was supposed to live longer, and come live with me when I got back on my feet and had my own place. We would have been great...I love her and she was one of the biggest inspirations of my life. My mom raised my brother and me, almost as a single mom, because my dad was in the army, and was not around much while I was growing up. Mom was awesome, even when I was a total brat...and as I got older we became even closer!! She was my best friend, someone that I could always talk to and who was always there for me and my children. She taught me everything I know about dogs and showing, and now and for the rest of my life anything that I do in showing will be in her honor and memory!
My mom grew up in NJ, and moved to MI when she was 16 yo. She always had fond memories of where she came from, and fostered that in my brother and I. Family was very important also...I grew up calling her cousin's Aunt and Uncle, and I got to know my east coast family better than I knew most of my father's family, and they lived here in the same town that we now live in. Every year, we would go to my Aunt's house for holiday dinners, this was her sister, and I grew up sort of thinking that my older cousin's were more like siblings than cousin's. When I left to go to college, my mom got into dog showing, and for the next 30 years she showed and raised Lhasa's. She introduced me into her world, and because of her I was accepted, and would do my best to help wherever I could. My ability to step in and start handling my own dog this past fall was do to her. Yes I need practice, but I understand so much more about the show world than if I had never been exposed to it.
When I had my children, and decided to go back to college, she was always there for me! She would proof-read any paper that I had, and listen while I told her what I had been introduced to that day. She was my strongest supporter, and thought that I could do anything. Because of her, I got two BS degrees and one MS, and I am trying to go back and earn another. She was always there if I needed her, if nothing else just to talk and vent for the day.


For the past 10+ years, I would call her if not every day, at least every other day. There were often days I would call 2 or 3 times...just to tell her about something that happened, or something I saw on TV, of just to hear her voice....that will be what I miss most, not being able to tell her exciting news, or just say hi.

I will miss her to the day I die, I was so blessed to have her as my mom...everything I am is due to her...Miss you mom!!!

Mom and Cindy...with RJ, one of her first champions



Mom, Alex and Nick on Thanksgiving 2010